dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
