apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
