Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize