the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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