i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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