dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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