i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
