so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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