Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
