bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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