I could make wine with my vomit
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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