I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
