first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
