I accidentally had phone sex last night
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
