u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
