if i can run in heels then i can drive
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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