got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
