I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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