I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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