Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
