After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you didnt know i had herpes?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
