It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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