you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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