Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So much rum. So many feels.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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