Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
