if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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