The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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