dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
