Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
