That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
