I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
