I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
