community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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