Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
