i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
