It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
