the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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