There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
