the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
