You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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