She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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