I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
