It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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