your room smells of hookers.
And success
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
