I just made out with a guy for $7.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
