i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
