My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
