Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
