But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
