What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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