So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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