For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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