Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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