the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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