God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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