I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
