Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
