if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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