just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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