this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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