i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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