How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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