I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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