If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
