Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
