Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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