wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
